Sometimes when the itch needs to be scratched, Casino Guy likes to head out on a little excursion known as a loop.  It’s a chew and screw mission to hit as many places in as little amount of time because I am a glutton for jamming too much shit into my trips.  Golf, concerts, games, lap da….laparoscopic surgeries, you name it.  We are doing it.  This was one such trip.  These are the abridged versions of full reviews.  Hope you enjoy….

Hollywood Casino Joliet

777 Hollywood Blvd, Joliet, IL 60436

We already went to Harrah’s in Joliet so why not head to the place a couple miles away?  What is the worst that can happen?  Would the other side of Joliet treat us any better?  Let’s find out….rapid review style!

• Getting There – When you are travelling 6 miles from your previous destination, how tough could it be to get there?  Sure, we took the scenic route through some lovely neighborhoods and an industrial park with a tremendous view of factories, abandoned houses and empty shipping containers but who am I to judge?  I am the Casino Guy, that’s who.  It is my job to judge.  I digress.  It was a little out of the center of town and that’s just fine with me.
• Look and Feel – Much like the last place, this has one of these “if you’ve been to a Hollywood you’ve been to a Hollywood” feel to it.  Whether you are in Maryland or West Virginia or Maine, they all have some signature aspects outside, like the entry way>  The have similar decoration inside too, like being kind of dark and having, you guessed it, decor inspired by TV and film.  If I see another black and white pic of James Dean I am going to pull a Juggernaut and take down the whole goddamn wall.
• Gaming Options – I liked the fact that even though the bottom level gaming floor was kind of small, you had all you needed in terms of variety of table games (except match the dealer….booooo!).  They also incorporated a side game raffle for hitting certain hands in Blackjack and other games.  Of course I was not going the be around so I gave my raffle entries to Big from Rob & Big (RIP – not the big dude at my table but Big from MTV).  They had enough slot machines on the first level to keep you pumping your money into the one armed bandits for HOURS.  Unfortunately, I still could not buy a winner.  So far on this trip, I am colder then a witches tit (shout out Jim C. for that one).  Something has got to give or this loop is going to go down as a top 3 bust of all time.
• Clientele – Pretty similar to the Harrah’s across town except for one dude who I swear to you had whooping cough, pneumonia, bronchitis, bronchiolitis, sarcoidosis and for good measure herpes.  Here is a little tip for this guy – it is OKAY to stay home for one day.  The dice will be fine without you for a day.  If I got SARS from this asshole I am going to write a sternly toned letter to someone.
• Bathrooms – Quite nice.  New urinals with the little target, nice tile and wall color.  Truly the highlight of the property.
• Service – Good ole Midwestern charm backfired on me on this one. The dealers were so nice that I didn’t really notice that I was getting my balls kicked into my throat on seemingly every hand.  How can you not win a fucking hand?  It has to be the dealers and pit boss’ fault….but it wasn’t.  Picture the secretary from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off saying “Ah jeez, you are really due for winner there.”  Damn you Jane the Pit Boss!  Damn you for taking so long to bring my players card back.
• Grub & Liquid Courage – Of course I busted out and of course Sugar is at the bar gassing beers and chatting up the bartender – Greg I think his name was.  Sugar already had this guy’s 20 year back story in less than 30 minutes (more on this coming, I promise).  The beers were cold as hell and Greg got himself a good tip because of that.  Unfortunately, we weren’t in there long enough to see or get any food.
• Overall – This was a newer version of all the Hollywood Casinos you’ve seen before.  My opinion is jaded because of the bad gambling.  But I will give it credit, it was way nicer and felt “safer” than the Harrah’s across town.  It’s a fine gaming establishment that I would chose 9 times out of 10 versus it’s cross town rival.

Official Casino Guy Rating: A pair of Bullets (not intended to make a statement on Joliet’s crime rate I swear).  If my nuts and bankroll weren’t being used as a speed bag, I am sure this would be higher.

Stay tuned for Parts 3 through 5 of The West of Chicago Loop:

1. Harrah’s Joliet
2. Hollywood Casino Joliet
3. Hollywood Casino Aurora
4. Grand Victoria Elgin
5. Rivers Casino Des Plaines

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