The crew here at CasinoGuyReviews.com is a coterie of ne’er do wells (if you caught that reference, you will definitely find this site funny…and send us a note!) that always seem to find themselves near a casino. We are the foremost authority in what regular gamblers want and have been witness to some of the most absurd shit you have ever heard of. Here are our stories:
The Casino Guy
Handsome – check. Humorous – check. Healthy – check(-ish). Humble – triple check. Wealthy – being a lifelong gambler, obviously I am….NOT.
As a man of the people, a “Joe Everyday” if you will, I probably got into gambling as any normal person would. Just like you, I learned how to add playing Blackjack with my uncle using an oversized deck of cards at the age of 4. And just like you, I learned how to multiply at the dog track when I was 6. And what little leaguer didn’t spend his off days at the local harness racing track or OTB with his brother-in-law? What middle schooler didn’t spend his days and nights playing poker, “King and Littles” are wild of course, for baseball cards with 4 figure swings in a weekend (I am looking at you Jeff, Ricky, Pete and Eddie Two Eggs)? What teenager didn’t play Caribbean Stud Poker at the local AmVets? And what adult male hasn’t been to over 300 gambling joints worldwide?
Oh, you aren’t sure? Let me tell you, no one. No one in the world fits that profile except me. So why is that important? My unique experiences have groomed me for my life’s mission: to write a somewhat funny casino review and gambling story blog to be read by tens of people around the world. If you can’t trust a guy with that resume, you have serious issues and should see a therapist.
I am an anonymous bastion of truth. The gambling establishments do not know me but I get to know them. I typically leave the house with a disguise, just like that one time I went to the grand opening of the Cosmopolitan and easily blended in:
Here at CasinoGuyReviews.com, you will get an honest assessment of all sorts of gambling spots*. Not some watered down version of the major travel review sites or some faceless message board with armies of fake reviewers and star ratings. We are completely unbiased with no affiliations (but can 100% be bought for round-trip non-stop airfare and a room, or buying some advertising space. Just send an email to email@example.com for more details 🙂 ).
We tell you about the things you really want to know about when going out to gamble. Like if a place has your favorite game. Or if the seats at the tables are comfortable. Is it a pain in the ass to find the place? Do you need vaccinations after heading to the bathroom? Do you need to hide your watch when stepping off the elevator? Does the beer flow like wine and the waitresses instinctively flock to you like the salmon of Capistrano?
There will be lots of cliches, lots of obscure and not-so obscure references, some facts and lots of opinions. After we sprinkle in some cool stories from some interesting folks and the hot takes of my wing-men and women, we hope you have a few laughs and tell a friend.
*Gambling spots include, but not limited to, casinos, racinos, dog tracks, horse tracks, card rooms, OTBs, jai alai arenas, slot houses and bingo halls. Lottery fronts and keno halls are unfortunately out of the review process**. What kind of degenerate would write reviews on those?
**Look for kenoandlotteryguyreviews.com coming in the spring of 2025.
Wing Woman #1 – Sunshine
I am this jackass’ wife. I think this is stupid. I hate losing money. If he drags me to another casino, I swear to God we are through.
Looking forward to sharing my positive outlook on life with you weirdos.
Wing Man #1 – Joe D
Like many, I like to gamble. You could say I have a bit of a compulsive personality. I admit, I once bought out a Walmart of their entire stock of specific type of cereal because I tried if for the first time that morning at a friend’s house. Come to find out, I was allergic to an ingredient in the cereal and needed an EpiPen given to me at the hospital later that day. Drink 1 beer or 15. Scratch 2 tickets or 20. Eat 1 slice or 2 whole pizzas…I will take the latter on all. That is why Casino Guy and I do what we do. He says passion. I say bullshit. It’s the itch man. I am here to tell some stories about how to best scratch it.
Wing Man #2 – Seamus
I don’t really like to gamble. I don’t really like to spend a lot of money. However, Casino Guy knows I have time on my hands and I have some loot in the shoe box so I get asked literally every other week to travel with this guy. With that said, there are two stats you need to know about me:
- I’ve been to well over 150 places
- I’ve blocked Casino Guy’s number 3 times to get him to stop bothering me to go back out on one if his loops (shameless plug, click here).