Sometimes when the itch needs to be scratched, Casino Guy likes to head out on a little excursion known as a loop. It’s a chew and screw mission to hit as many places in as little amount of time because I am a glutton for jamming too much shit into my trips. Golf, concerts, games, lap da….laparoscopic surgeries, you name it. We are doing it. This was one such trip. These are the abridged versions of full reviews. Hope you enjoy….
250 S Grove Ave, Elgin, IL 60120
Have you ever had a day that you lost so much money and drank so many beers that your spewing fire from areas that should be NO WHERE near a flame? Well, this was one of those days. Not only was my loop out of order and we did this bad boy a day late, The Elf paid me a visit in a big way. What, you don’t know who the elf is? Check this out? The Grand Victorian in Elgin was behind the 8 ball from the jump. Will it have the juice to not scratch on the break? Let’s find out….rapid review style!
- Getting There – Even coming from out of the way (i.e. from downtown Chicago and not along the route carefully planned out for weeks) it wasn’t a bad ride. I will say this, the little area of the City of Elgin near the casino was pretty freakin’ nice. When compared to the others on this loop or another gem sitting on a river (click on it….ahh the memories), it’s really top notch. The parking garage was spacious and I am sucker for a good footbridge, cause ya know – fuck stairs man.
- Look and Feel – What a pleasant surprise.
Walking in it was much newer than I expected. The gaming area was cool. Some interesting decor and lighting shit on the ceiling. If you were on some hardcore psychedelics, there is no way you would’t think you were on an episode of Fringe. My only gripe, it’s an old school boat. You want to find your friends, another game, or the shitter because you had 400 draft beers at the Blackhawks game last night then you need to go below deck (again, fuck stairs man).
- Gaming Options – Lot’s of slots. Plenty of 21 + 3 Blackjack and other games. The busiest game was the 100X odds craps. I didn’t even bother. Given my performance with dice recently, I didn’t want to have the entire table gaming pit trying to kill me. I parked my ass at the High Card Flush table. The classic “no thinking, just take my money” game. I used to think this was a war of attrition, but during this trip that belief was shaken to its core. Typically, all you need is one good hand and your day is made. Folks sit forever waiting for the big one but almost always come up short. I sat and played for a while. Actually won a few bucks but no big hands. Played a couple other classic games in the pit and won some more. Needless to say, when I couldn’t find Sugar in the caverns of the hull, I gave back more than I wanted to…fucking Sugar making friends all over the place. At least he was on a real heater.
- Clientele – Like with all these Chicagoland casinos, the people were fine. BUT, there was one dude I played with at the High Card Flush table who I could not take my eyes off. Remember, all you need is one in this game. This guy took that mantra to the extreme. To set the stage, he looked like a poor mans Luke Perry (R.I.P.). He was dressed like a guy who probably leased an Escalade or a Hummer, not because he’s carting around 6+ people under 12,000 miles a year, but because he was a huge douche. When I sat down, he was playing a decent ante for this game and had a nice little stack in front of him. Right off the bat, you could tell this man was chasing glory. This guy chased hands like the LAPD chased OJ in the white Bronco (badabing!!!! Topical reference).After he gave all that nice little stack away, he started to dig. At first, he was a Benjamins guy. Couple more chases, couple more digs. Then he turns into a Jackson guy. We have ALL been there. You wish he had someone there to shake the shit out of him and tell him to walk away. He had no guardian angel. He had no Gamblers Anonymous sponsor. He just having one of the most embarrassingly cringe-worthy and epic meltdowns in table game history. Every hand he lost, he huffed and puffed. Every time he dug, he huffed and puffed and gripped his perfectly coiffed hair. The before and after image was a spectacular evolution of gambling. You know those PSAs that say, “Hey meth, it’s pretty fucking bad. Try not doing it.”? Well this guy went from sweet as honey Luke Perry to Worm getting his teeth kicked in at the trust fund baby’s poker game in the first half of Rounders. It was quite the scene.
I didn’t know whether to give this asshole a hug or slap the shit out of him. When he picked a few crumpled Licolns and Hamiltons of of his front pocket, he was dead man walking. After the final hand, Worm picked up his lease’s keys and went straight for the footbridge. Hopefully not to toss himself off it.
- Bathrooms – I spent so much time in them, it was almost like a second home. Clean, quiet and soothing enough color to try and help you forget the fact that you had to head to the basement. Flames. Acid. Toxic sledge. All things that should never come out of you. Maybe it was best I was in the basement after all.
- Service – Just like the other Illinois properties, the dealers and servers could not have nicer. After one of the tables I got smoked at in a short amount of time, the dealer was so apologetic I thought she going to confess to a crime or start weeping for me. At some point, you can not say anything and I won’t be offended.
- Grub & Liquid Courage – After I couldn’t get Sugar off the table from his “heater”, I went to drown my sorrows except these drinks were going down like nails so I could not drown enough. In any event, there appeared to be ample good food and drink options at the Prime Burger House and Crave Deli. The buffet had a lot of foot traffic for even that time of day.
- Overall – Nice little place with all you want in a chew and screw mission. I am not going to be bitter and say if I had left 45 minutes earlier, this review would have been a lot better. I am going to give an unbiased review based on the fact that even though my flaming hoop and Dylan McKay were treated very poorly, I still quite enjoyed myself.
Official Casino Guy Rating: Trip Sevens. It’s royalty in the slot world. It’s a winning hand in any other world. Why so high? Memories. You can’t put a price tag on history. This guy’s disintegration will be Hall of Fame Worthy.
That’s it. All 5 parts The West of Chicago Loop – hope you enjoyed.
- Harrah’s Joliet
- Hollywood Casino Joliet
- Hollywood Casino Aurora
- Grand Victoria Elgin
- Rivers Casino Des Plaines
Lots more loops left to cover. Where will Casino Guy go next? Click, share, subscribe….everything. Keep Casino Guy on the road losing his shirt!