If we are keeping score….

The last year or so have been pretty eventful for the Casino Guy. If we wind the clock back to July of 2018, let’s just say I have put a lot of scratch in play at a LOT of different places. So many new spots in just over a year could be one sign of a person who has a problem. All that travel and actually starting a casino review business is probably a bigger sign of a problem. When I actually think back about it all, one word comes to mind…

YIKES!!!

Here at CasinoCuyReviews.com, we do not get into specific dollar amounts. We don’t unit shame. We also don’t think anyone really cares about amounts. It’s all relative. Because what to get the juices flowing varies from one degenerate to another. What gets your needle up may be on the front page of a site that rhymes with tornhub.com in a section called “Regular”. What gets someone else’s motor running on that same site may have search tags that I can’t write here because I am still pretty sure some people I know actually read this website. Just a reminder, your step family isn’t actually blood related and choking is not a crime until charges are pressed.  Don’t judge, but I digress.

My point is, no matter what unit you play, it’s all about the rush. The guy betting $25 on an NFL game for the first time is gonna have his heart beating out of his chest on 4th and goal from the 2 for the miracle of all miracle covers the same way as a seasoned professional bettor plunking down 100 times that on a single hand of blackjack. That’s what makes this shit so great. It’s also what makes talking about units pointless. What I think is heavy may be light to some big swing dick reader or an astronomical number some guy reading this who hates losing $5 on Keno at the bar.

With all that said, if we look back to July 2018, I had my largest win ever at a single table – blackjack to be specific – on a trip to AC. Did I mention I love Match the Dealer (oh yeah I did – see here). It was the kind of win where you have to give your social at the cage, not for tax purposes but for money laundering purposes.  When you have an issue getting through the airport security because of the money in your pocket, I would say that was a good night at the tables.

papercut

No more than few months later, after a couple trips to the local spots, I was bleeding this win out while hitting 10 new places in the process. It was a slow bleed too. Death by 1,000 paper cuts – maybe a couple actual flesh wounds worked in here and there to be honest.

Then on a free concert night at Twin River in Lincoln, I popped for another very large win because I FREAKING LOVE MATCH THE DEALER. The Guess Who kicked ass on stage and I kicked that tables ass Frank Castle style (the ole Dean of Mean Keith Jardine stood no chance in that scene…poor guy).

Then, lets just say things went poorly. Very poorly for a long time. homeIn November, there was Las Vegas where we went to a few spots reviewed here and here and here and a lot more that I can’t bear to write down because the beating still hurts.  You literally have to possess inside information in order to have the losing percentage I had betting on games.  You would need to be able to see the cards beforehand and do the exact opposite for you to lose the way I lost at the tables.  It was quite the sight.

After taking some time off to heal and get some confidence back, I was hitting Twin River Tiverton every weekend because, well, they were giving me free shit to show up and the NFL playoffs were paying off. Who is going to turn down free shit?  Wins and losses.  Back and forth.  I am pretty sure I burned through a bunch of gas just for a few Macy’s gift cards. Oh fucking well.  Luckily, sprinkled in to all of these casino visits, I hit on both the Red Sox and Patriots championship future bets.  Let’s print some money baby!!!!

money

At the beginning of the year, things got BAAAAAAAAADDDDDD in Chicago.  You obviously read all five parts (1, 2, 3, 4 and 5) of the rapid reviews that weren’t all that rapid and felt some sort of bad for your buddy Casino Guy.  By now, the big wins in Atlantic City and at Twin River are way in the rear view and I am mired in a slump the likes many have never seen.  Not too long after Chicago, I was at an event at the Unluckiest Place on the Planet and donated enough to be moved up in my tier status practically overnight.  We are now in full blown crisis mode.

Then, in a stroke of genius, I decided to go back to Atlantic City with Wing Man #1 and Creepy Paul. Two words describe what I endured – SAVAGE. BEATING.  I actually went into the trip with a full blown glorious beard.  After the first night of getting my man titties knocked off, I drove to CVS, bought hair clippers and shaved the fucking thing off to change up the mojo. Negative Ghost Rider. No change.  It actually somehow got worse. I am now officially in a near year long hemorrhaging of cash.  Still not entirely sure I went except for all the free shit AC throws at you all over town.

regret

During a gift card giveaway night at Tiverton, the swings were so violent I had to kick Sugar away from the table because he was poisoning the good shoes I was previously cleaning up on.  Thankfully I got rid of him at the right time.  A sizable win put some much needed squash back in my gambling fund. One more lucky free concert night in the summer (I love links….click on them all) stopped the bleeding for good, right?

Not so fucking fast Casino Guy.  vengence

Let’s just say, the Gambling Gods did not take too kindly of the impromptu trip I made to the Land of 10,000 Lakes.  Full reviews of this loop will be coming soon, but let’s just say we saw some shit.  Not all of it good man.  Not all good.

So, in summary:

  • 26 new places
  • 46 places total
  • 8 states
  • 9,390 miles flown
  • 2,580 miles driven

Net: Minus 1 unit (no joke)

All that travel and heartburn for minus one unit. It’s like kissing your sister. And not even a hot step sister….oh well.  (Sorry folks, I will not link to a Kimmy Granger movie here.  I will not.  Just a picture.  It’s the internet.  Put on your own incognito mode.)

kimmy

Hi Kimmy, always a pleasure.

What a fucking ride. Let’s run it back!

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