Sometimes when the itch needs to be scratched, Casino Guy likes to head out on a little excursion known as a loop. It’s a chew and screw mission to hit as many places in as little amount of time because I am a glutton for jamming too much shit into my trips. Golf, concerts, games, lap da….laparoscopic surgeries, you name it. We are doing it. This was one such trip. These are the abridged versions of full reviews. Hope you enjoy….
1 W New York St, Aurora, IL 60506
Look, Harrah’s in Joliet did not quite work out. Neither did Hollywood Casino in Joliet. It’s time for a change in scenery. It’s time for another Hollywood Casino, this time in Aurora. This loop is proving to be a street fight. But do you know what they say about Casino Guy:
Did Hollywood Aurora get beat down or did is rise above the competition? Let’s find out….rapid review style!
- Getting There – A nice little 45 minute drive through some neighborhoods, some farmlands, a couple speed traps is nothing to complain about. What I can complain about are the sheer number of drivers who HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DRIVE ESPECIALLY WHEN NATURE IS CALLING THE GUY IN THE CAR BEHIND YOU. Okay, now that this is out of my system, we can can back to business. Aside from a very interesting semi-off property parking garage that requires a trek across some type of river walk, this is a pretty easy spot to get to.
- Look and Feel – Didn’t I just say “if you’ve been to one Hollywood Casino you’ve been to every Hollywood casino“? Guess what…yeah. Same church – different pew. I will give this place credit, they did have some pretty cool memorabilia around the place. The entry way where you go through security on to the actual boat is a little confusing but if you are starving or need to hit the head really fast (see above), the layout works in your favor.
- Gaming Options – Much like the last Hollywood property, the machines seemed to be right on top you no matter where you went. I guess you have to jam as much as you can in these small spaces. The parlor games were rocking with High Card Flush, 3 Card Poker and Mississippi Stud. They had some blackjack tables but nothing was getting me over. I actually had to hit an ATM at this joint. Sugar was on the phone cutting some deal on something so instead of licking my wounds and hightailing it out of there, I decided to reload and sit in the high limit area, which was just the same amount I was playing with the common folk but now I get to play tits up with the dealer in peace. Nope….bad call.
I come strolling back after what seemed like 12 minutes. “How did you do Casino Guy?” Sugar asks. “Let’s get the hell out of here” as my head beads with sweat from anger.
- Clientele – I couldn’t get a great read on this place. There were some nefarious cats playing craps but I have no proof. I am just profiling:
I did like that when I did sit next to some old timers at the tables, they knew the rules and could keep the game moving, even though they had to have a running commentary of every freakin’ hand. Big Casino Guy no-no.
- Bathrooms – This was a first for me in my many decades on this planet. Casino Guy has surfed the depths of the internet for all sorts of entertainment. I would like to link some of that entertainment here but I am afraid of 1) being contacted by some form of Internet Police and 2) I have family who actually read this nonsense. I have seen an artistic film or two featuring a bathroom with a hole in the wall that would be affectionately coined a “glory hole”. The use of said glory hole should be researched on your own time however let’s just say if you are into rolling the dice on something like that, you have a much larger gambling problem than I do. With all that said, I give to you the Hollywood Casino Aurora Glory Hole:
Like I said. This was a first. Now, if you can fit into this hole who am I to judge? You do you my friend, nothing to be ashamed of. In all seriousness…are you fucking kidding me? Clean your shit up Hollywood Aurora.
- Service – Everywhere we’ve gone so far, the people have been very nice for the most part. Sugar made friends everywhere he went but that is nothing new. The folks also have a tremendous amounts of patience. Sugar tends to call people by pet names: buddy, honey, pal, guy, you name it. He called our waitress at the buffet sweetheart. Where we are from, someone probably would have socked him the mouth or posted his toxic masculinity online. Not Sarah. She was a sweetheart and she knew it. I love the midwest.
- Grub & Liquid Courage – The buffet was better than I expected, even though the signs for it advertised a price too good to be true. Sugar and I both had a few pops with lunch and the prices were good enough to consider not leaving. After I made my trip to the glory hole stall, I saw Sugar at the bar, guess what, making best friends with another bartender (for those keeping score, this fucking guy is up to 6 people who he knows not only their name but their elevator pitch. I haven’t met 6 people on that level in 20 years, he’s done it in 3 hours). The liquid courage flows through the veins of this guy.
- Overall – The unique parking situation, coupled with the stale Hollywood motif, paired with jam packed casino floor, plus…..who gives a shit about any of that! This place has a fucking glory hole!!!! My sexually deviant readers will be expecting quad aces or a royal. But I am the foremost authority on the entire casino experience and have some moral standards to uphold.
Official Casino Guy Rating: Queen High Runt. This would have been lower but whoever was on the other side of that wall was gentle….uh wait. It had a good buffet and nice high roller area. Yeah, that’s it. I promise.
Stay tuned for Parts 4 and 5 of The West of Chicago Loop:
- Harrah’s Joliet
- Hollywood Casino Joliet
- Hollywood Casino Aurora
- Grand Victoria Elgin
- Rivers Casino Des Plaines
Click, share, subscribe….everything. Help Casino Guy earn some of that blackjack money back!