Sometimes when the itch needs to be scratched, Casino Guy likes to head out on a little excursion known as a loop.  It’s a chew and screw mission to hit as many places in as little amount of time because I am a glutton for jamming too much shit into my trips.  Golf, concerts, games, lap da….laparoscopic surgeries, you name it.  We are doing it.  This was one such trip.  These are the abridged versions of full reviews.  Hope you enjoy….

Harrah’s Joliet – Joliet, IL

151 N Joliet St, Joliet, IL 60432

I have had this place on my list for so long, I never thought I would actually make it here.  Did it live up to the hype, let’s find out….rapid review style!

• Getting There – Anytime you are driving around metro Chicago, you are going to run into traffic.  You know what makes traffic bearable?  Seemingly hundreds of Brian Urlacher billboards sporting his brand new head of fresh lettuce.  Don’t believe me?  Check this small sample out:

Credit to someone on Reddit…all my pics came out like shit.

The number of billboard was so absurd, you could not help but but wonder if the folks from Restore had a 10 for 1 coupon on ad space or they secretly owned and operated the billboard company.  I have never seen this much overkill since the Bloodhound Gang opened the sexual innuendo thesaurus and put out this fire jam  in 1999:

Once you get to Joliet, it’s a quaint little town but no where that will say, “Hey man, let’s go to Joliet today.”

• Look and Feel – This has one of these “if you’ve been to a Harrah’s, you’ve been to a Harrah’s” feel to it.  I said to the my new wing man Sugar (more on this character later), “this feels like the Harrah’s in the Marina in AC but without the niceness.”  It may be time for a little facelift on this ole gal.
• Gaming Options – Full disclosure, it was early so not everything was open but all the classics were represented.  There was a high limit area but no one was in it.  Slots were stacked on top of themselves so if you are a slot jockey, I am sure you can find something to get the froth going.  One last thing that would come back to bite me on this trip – no match the dealer.  Nope, they had 21 + 3 like every place else in Illinois.  Whateva guy.
• Clientele – This is where things get mixed.  On one hand, you had the classic Midwesterner/Chicagoans, nice as pie and decked out in Cubs / Bulls / Blackhawks / Bears gear (poor White Sox).  On the other hand, I swear I was next to this guy (read that shit, it’s wild) for 20 minutes.  I am not going to say I was nervous, but I did move very expeditiously to the car to get the f out of there.
• Bathrooms – Much like the overall place, they could use a face lift but I can’t complain about the cleanliness.  One request, and this goes for everywhere that has plumbing.  Can you please make a handicap sized stall that is designated for non handicap people who don’t like shitting on the floor like in a Shanghai hotel?  It takes all the guilt out of taking a comfortable break on the big toilet in the big stall and seeing  wheels or a walker parked outside underneath the door.  Just saying.  This may or may not have happened to me here and I may or may not have had a very awkward exchange of looks with someone who was using some walking assistance.
• Service – Sugar wasn’t ready to gamble yet so he was drinking mimosas at the bar at 9:30AM.  Sally the 9:30AM bartender wasn’t best.  She didn’t fit the classic Midwesterner vibe described earlier (she was probably just worried about the dude ordering multiple mimosas at 9:30AM on a Thursday).  On the other hand, the dealers and pit bosses could not have been nicer.  Once they heard of Casino Guy’s ultimate goal in life, they wanted to join me on my journey.  I said “Listen Christie, I can’t continue my quest to gamble at every casino in the world if you don’t deal me some gosh darn winners.” (The Midwestern manners wore off on me for a minute.)  She didn’t deal me winners, but she was sweet about it.
• Grub & Liquid Courage – I guess the mimosas were OK.  That’s all I can speak to.  What do you want, we needed to move dude.
• Overall – Like I said, this was on the list for so long.  I think it aged during that time.  And unlike Elizabeth Hurley or Jane Seymour, Harrah’s Joliet did not age well.

Official Casino Guy Rating: A pair of Sevens.  I was hoping for excellence.  What I got was disappointment wrapped in a ugly Harrah’s carpet.

Stay tuned for Parts 2 through 5 of The West of Chicago Loop:

1. Harrah’s Joliet
2. Hollywood Casino Joliet
3. Hollywood Casino Aurora
4. Grand Victoria Elgin
5. Rivers Casino Des Plaines

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