BREAKING NEWS: The entire (gambling) world has gone to hell in a hand basket

Editor’s note: This post is not to minimize the severity of what’s going on in this unprecedented time.  It’s just a way to write up a couple jokes and pass some time while the Casino Guy is locked in his suburban prison with his family for the foreseeable future…



This shit is completely mind-blowing. The entire world seems to be at a total standstill.  All that we do for fun here at is effectively shut down.  There will be some people who will (wrongfully) say, “Who are the folks at MGM to tell me I can’t contract a highly contagious virus while gorging myself with salted meats and cheese, chicken broccoli Alfredo and some roast beef au jus? I THOUGHT THIS WAS ‘MERICA!!!”  Those people would be assholes.   

There will be people who will (wrongfully) say, “Who are the folks who run these casinos to tell me I can’t sit cheek to cheek next to some questionably sanitary and healthy freakshows sucking in the same dirty shared air and touching the same dirty-assed chips and card during a pandemic?”  Those people would be HUGE assholes.

In all seriousness, this is all more than necessary.  And you are probably doing folks a favor at a most of those properties – some degenerates can’t get out of their own way (yours truly included) and just know when to walk away.  Now let’s try to forget that Casino Guy was in the belly of the beast in Ohio and Michigan logging HOURS and HOURS of table time next to one jemoke after another who may or may not have washed their hands in the last 12 years.  Let’s move on from that and focus on the true travesty of this whole saga.

Bro, they shut down the buffet at the Bellagio. That shit is beyond extraordinary….

    • The biggest shrimp you’ve ever seen
    • The best brisket outside of the BBQ champions in Texas
    • The longest and fullest grab legs that would make George Brett rethink eating crab legs (FYI, funniest video in the history of the Inter-webs below)

      George Brett Auto-Tuned from 8corp on Vimeo.

  • The juiciest prime rib you’ve seen outside of a Alexis Fawx video (terrible analogy but just wanted to draw attention to a specific genre in Alexis Fawx cannon)



In all seriousness, so many people work in this industry.  So many people support this industry.  So many people rely on this industry (in more ways the one).  If you have any sense about you and care for the betterment of humanity, do us all a favor, listen to the smart people out there and stay home for a while.  That way, everyone can get back to work and we can all get back to doing what we love as soon as possible – leatherassing shoe after shoe after shoe until we are down to the felt and asking your buddy if you can borrow a few bucks.

(P.S. If you are going to have social distancing and quarantines, how the fuck are any foot traffic businesses going to stay open?  Open the checkbooks and save everyone….)

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