Rivers Casino & Resort Schenectady

1 Rush St, Schenectady, NY 12305

Sometimes when the itch needs to be scratched, Casino Guy likes to head out on a little excursion known as a loop.  It’s a chew and screw mission to hit as many places in as little amount of time because I am a glutton for jamming too much shit into my trips.  Golf, concerts, games, lap da….laparoscopic surgeries, you name it.  We are doing it.  This was one such trip.  These are the abridged versions of full reviews.  Hope you enjoy….

When you have to get on the road, drive over 1,100 miles to gamble at as many places as you can in a 72 hour period as humanly possible, what could possibly go wrong?  Well that is exactly what I tried to find out this past winter.  On trips like this, you see all types.  Rivers Casino in Schenectady was the first new stop on the journey (we actually stopped at MGM Springfield first.  You can read that review here.).  Did Rivers set us off on the right foot or did it put us on the path of destruction that so many of these loops end in?  Let’s find out…

Getting There

Oh, lovely Schenectady.  What a beautiful glimpse of paradise, especially in early November.  I can say this, all of the highways (and there appear to be a shitload of them) around Albany are blazing fast.  And this place is right off one.  Once you are off the exit, you really bask in the glory of the Electric City.  Nothing over a couple stories.  Lots of rusted steel bridges.  Warehouses, diners, storage facilities all seem the same size and shape.  Hell, even the Courtyard Marriott, which is relatively new, is the same color as all the places in the area.  Dreary, no better word to describe it.  Well, maybe…

Look and Feel

This “newish” place still looks “newish”.  I really dug the outside, but maybe because I was comparing it to the pasty line-up of fat, ugly chicks that I would call Erie Boulevard.  The parking lot was clean and the entry way was cool.  When you stepped inside, it was completely unexpected.  More conflict than inside the brain of Arthur Fleck.  You had some really cool, not dated light fixtures offset by some true throwback style carpets – you know the shit that is so distracting that it keeps your eyes focused up to the gaming floor (a little casino designers trick…educate yourselves).  Then you have some real dark spots in the middle of the floor offset by beautiful lighting near the coffee and pastry spot Villa Italia.  Hey, let’s make up our mind here.  Either blow me off my feet with awfulness (see: more examples I care to list) or blow my skirt up with design brilliance.  Sadly, we got a mutt.

One huge positive though, easily the comfiest table game seats I’ve ever sat in.  Cloth is little risky, ya know with the Scurvy and people farting all day but damn if my ass wasn’t relaxed.

Gaming Options

I loved the variety here, but in true Casino Guy fashion, I was here too goddamn early for all the tables to be open so we were relegated to Blazing 7s Blackjack.  Walking through the pits, they had all the favorites: 3 Card, Craps, Mississippi Stud, Roulette…everything.  One more thing if you are a slot player.  Lots of new machines, I mean LOTS of new machines, crammed into a space not made for LOTS of machines.  Reminded me of the ole saying, “10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag”.  Maybe move 50 machines or so out in the parking lot….just a thought.

Clientele

The folks here at this time of day were exactly what I expected when I put Rivers Casino Schenectady on the list:

The entertainment value of this crew (or reasonable facsimiles of them) at just after breakfast makes me want to go back at night and party with them.

Bathrooms

Service

You know when you see someone that is so physically unique, and you cannot stop staring?  You aren’t trying to be mean but you are unable to look away.  Let’s just say this guy walking around, we shall call him Big Earn, may want to approach the Rivers management team and request to lift the ban on wearing hats in the workplace.

Everyone was great.  The pit bosses and dealers were as energetic as you could be that early in the morning on a random weekday.

Grub & Liquid Courage

NOOOO, I did not order a beer!!!  Stop judging me.

From what I was told, the baked goods at the aforementioned Villa Italia were phenomenal.  I need to go back and give the rest of the spots a try.  Until then, we will consider this section TBD.

Overall

We all know that dude who has a drunken dick for a step dad, a Marlboro Red ripping bitch of a mom, sisters that belong in the loony bin or on the corner, lives in a house from a Hoarders episode but against the odds got good grades, stayed out of trouble, had a normal girlfriend and didn’t smell like cabbage.  Well Rivers Schenectady is kind of like that guy.  The surrounding area was weird.  Some of the cats in the joint were folks you only see interviewed by the evening news in the Irving parking lot about the current snow storm and all they can say is “Yo, it’s crazy”.  But you give me some natural light, great people and comfy seats, then we have ourselves a crossbreed.

Official Casino Guy Rating: 2 Pair, Eights and Deuces.  It’s not the worst hand in the world but it will also try to trick you into thinking it’s top of the line.  Not as bad as a polished turd, not as good as a Jimmy Garoppolo’s man beard.  Drop this place in another town, and we have eights full, easy-peasy.

(PS: Are you serious?  That’s dreamy…)

Stay tuned for Parts 3 through 10 of The MA / NY / NJ loop:

1. MGM Springfield – Springfield, MA
2. Rivers – Schenectady, NY
3. Turning Stone – Verona, NY
4. Yellow Brick Road, Chittenango, NY
5. Point Place – Bridgeport, NY
6. del Lago – Waterloo, NY
7. Tioga Downs – Nichols, NY
8. Resorts World Catskills – Monticello, NY
9. Ocean – Atlantic City, NJ
10. Resorts AC – Atlantic City, NY

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