Here at CasinoGuyReviews.com, we have an extremely detailed and complex algorithm that analyzes all the attributes of a gambling facility and provides an unbiased, thorough result in an easy-to-read 75 bullet PowerPoint presentation with a 100 point rating scale…
GTFO with that mess. Here, we give you casino reviews you can actually use. Things the common gambler cares about. Easy to understand categories, an ever easier ranking system and a complete an utter bias towards the places we’ve won at and get free stuff at (if you are casino reading this and want a better review, our mailbox open for business….).
Pop quiz Hot Shot: who loves winning heavy handed blackjack in complete solitude, with free full-sized beers coming every 12.5 minutes, with a footrest attached to the table in a casino that looks like a gutted out steel mill right off a major highway?
Each place will be graded on the following:
- Getting There – Easy or hard to find, middle of no where or right in the mix?
- Look and Feel – Is it easy on the eyes or make you want to gouge your eyes out with a spoon? Are you going to be comfortable leatherassing a 14 hour session?
- Gaming options – Does it have what you want to play or something cool you can mainline to scratch your itch?
- Clientele – Who are you playing with? Who is milling about?
- Service – How are the waitresses and dealers? Can you bitch to someone because your points aren’t accruing fast enough?
- Bathrooms – Waaaaaaaaaaaay more important than you realize.
- Grub & Liquid Courage – You need to eat. You need to drink. Some need to drink more than others. Question is, are those things any good?
- Other – If there is something that falls into this category, it’s a special occasion. I am excited just thinking about it.
So now that we know where highest of high bars is set, everything else needs to fall in line. How do we do that? By assigning an arbitrary scoring system that’s how. Are we using stars or check marks? Nope. Its a casino review, not a restaurant critique. Our rankings are fairly simple. If you can’t follow the poker hand rankings, well you are some sort of sheltered alien.
Seriously, how did you even find this site if you don’t understand the hand rankings, unless of course you are our mothers (Hi MOM! We are on the Google Machine!!!!)?
Check back here frequently for a summary of all the reviews and our Top 5, Bottom 5 and Hall of Fame.
- MGM Springfield, Springfield, MA – Posted 9/20/18
- Aria Resort & Casino, Las Vegas, NV – Posted 9/14/18
- Lighthouse Point Casino, Greenville, MS – Posted 9/25/18
- Sands Casino & Resort, Bethlehem, PA – Posted 11/8/18
- Tiverton Casino Hotel, Tiverton, RI – Posted 11/25/18
- Park MGM, Las Vegas, NV – Posted 1/9/19
- Westgate Las Vegas Hotel & Casino, Las Vegas, NV – Posted 1/16/19
- Foxwoods Resort Casino, Mashantucket, CT – Posted 1/25/19
- Resorts Casino Hotel, Atlantic City, NJ – Posted 2/14/19
- Rapid Review – Harrah’s Joliet, Joliet, IL – Posted 4/3/19
- Rapid Review – Hollywood Casino, Joliet, IL – Posted 4/3/19
- Rapid Review – Hollywood Casino, Aurora, IL – Posted 5/15/19
- Rapid Review – Rivers Casino, Des Plaines, IL – Posted 5/28/19
- Rapid Review – Grand Victoria, Elgin, IL – Posted 9/10/19
- Rapid Reviews – New Hampshire Loop Part 1 – Posted 9/24/19