We all remember our first time.  For me, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I am sure you were just like me.  You were nervous.  It felt a little awkward.  It was probably overwhelming because you looked forward to it for so long but then it wasn’t at all what you were expecting.  It seemed too quick and maybe a little embarrassing.  You were unsure of what to do first or what do next.  You weren’t even sure were to go.  The sounds and the smells were new.  And you probably wondered, what did all these people do to get in here?  Wait, what the hell are you thinking about?  This I bet (shout out to you E.D.).  I am talking about my first time in a high roller lounge.

For my first time, I was a guest of the high roller.  Well, I was a guest of the son of the high roller.  He was just a regular guy who happened to be huge slot jockey, putting incredible amounts of money in play seemingly every weekend.  Our high roller Chris was offered free tickets to Chuck Norris’ World Combat League. Now if you were not familiar with the WCL, it was Rock ’em, Sock ’em Robots but with dudes and chicks who ran to the dish shaped “ring” and beat the crap out of each other.

Their concept was Turf Wars – a team fighting league to determine the country’s toughest city.  It was a scene man, but not quite Chris’ scene so he gave his tickets up to us. But first, we would join him in the lounge.

The entrance to this lounge was like a double secret hidden passage, literally looking like a service door to a maintenance area in the middle of the casino.  You pass through this nondescript entrance and you are in a tiny paradise.  You look to the bar and its all top shelf booze as far as the eye could see.  You look at the catering table and its filet bites, cocktail shrimp the size of your head and imported cheeses from far away lands.  Chris’ friend gave us Cuban cigars.  The staff were there ready with a night and a fresh ashtray.  The smoke effortlessly and quickly floated upwards so all you could smell was whatever lavender they were flavoring the air with.

The chairs are so comfortable they make you forget you are sitting.  You look to the ceiling and the views are different than the ones the common folk see from the casino floor.  Not sure how they pulled that sorcery off but they did.

We drank and ate for free like kings.  No one wanted to leave but Chuck Norris and his magic beard were calling our names.

My personal favorite Chuck Norris-ism: Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

I will never forget you incredibly hidden, sweet smelling high roller lounge.  This place was truly like a sore dick – you just couldn’t beat it.

Xanadu.  Total paradise.  The only thing missing were the 70 virgins.*

*See how that kind of came full circle… Pretty clever, right? 🙂